The Responsibility Trap
When I say, It is your responsibility, does it conjure up dread or freedom? Does it feel heavy or light?
How do you view responsibility? Is it fun or is it a necessary evil? Is it a struggle?
I think most of us would say, ugh, responsibility, I am tired of being responsible. I do not want anymore responsibility or expectations. I just need some time off and a good beach or in my case a lively river.
If you want to catch up, you can access previous posts below:
Back in the Saddle
Inside out – the path to change (Part 1)
Rescue Yourself (Part 2)
Nothing Changes until YOU Do (Part 3)
Your Level of Emotional Fitness is the Key to, well, Everything! (Part 4)
Calm Mind = Calm Life (Part 5)
As an adolescent we want to be independent, responsible and free, but then find out being a real adult is not easy. We were sold a bill of goods. Be responsible, get an education, get a job, be on time, what are you doing with your life? Does that sound like much fun? It was the responsible thing to do.
Responsibility can feel very heavy and what do we do to relieve that heaviness?
We go on vacations, hoping to step away from being responsible and relieve the pressure. Can we buy our way out of responsibility? (Thus, I want to create the kind of life I do not need a vacation from, which is a popular saying – but not sure anyone believes it)
We work hard and struggle, sometimes too hard. Is that being responsible? He is hard working so he must be responsible. Does everything have to be a struggle? Do we feel responsible if we do not work hard?
We blame – That is not my fault. It was his/her responsibility. (Wish I had a dollar for every time I have heard that)
We control – I have to make sure it is done my way. I am being responsible.
Guilt – If I was a good parent, I would spend more time with my kids, that is responsible. I should really start that exercise program. Is that being responsible? I should really work more on my marriage.
Is that real responsibility?
So, what is real responsibility?
REAL responsibility is taking ownership for the reality you have created in your life.
Let me repeat it:
REAL responsibility is taking ownership for the reality you have created in your life.
REAL responsibility is the freedom of knowing you can create the life you want to live.
REAL responsibility is accepting this ownership with joy, curiosity, mystery and fun.
If you are miserable in your job, you need to take full ownership for that reality.
If you are miserable in a relationship, you need to take full ownership of that reality and the role you played.
If have become disillusioned with your life, find it flat, boring and tiring, you need to take ownership for that reality.
You created all of that.
We have distorted our relationship with responsibility, such that, all we want to do is run from being responsible, because it is so overbearing, filled with struggle and frankly, not a lot of life in responsibility.
So the good news is, you can change your relationship to responsibility.
Let’s turn responsibility into something that is celebrated, not dreaded.
Embraced not shunned.
How many of us can associate responsibility with fun, wonder and curiosity?
Do you feel joy and freedom in owning your life and everything that is happening?
Do you feel empowered in knowing that you can create your own security and safety, not relying on others or something else to generate that security?
Do you feel the power in owning the creation of the life you want to live?
Do you feel the freedom in owning that responsibility?
Does responsibility fill you with hope and optimism to create the reality you desire?
For me, I was a victim of the system and well, I had failed to recognize the role I played in the work life I had created. Most statistics will tell you that people are not engaged in their work, in fact, there are a lot of people that just flat out hate their work and at best tolerate it.
I created every excuse not to change my work situation. I could never make enough money doing something else. I will not find as good of benefits. It is too hard to change jobs. I really do not have time. You name it, I created an excuse to stay in my comfort zone. I have a responsibility to my family to maintain a level of security, even if everyone in the house knew I was miserable, which completely neutralized the security thing.
At least I had some illusion of control in that way, but I was miserable. That was the truth.
Is that being responsible?
I think healthier questions I should have been asking were:
What would get me incredibly excited to come to work every day? What parts of my job do I enjoy and how do I do more of that? What would need to change? What has been my role in creating this situation? What am I learning?
I was not being responsible to myself. How many of us treat ourselves horribly with negative self talk, headtrash and disrespecting our own well being?
Ignoring our desires and dreams.
Is that being responsible?
Every decision was mine. Every choice was mine. Every thought was mine, Every feeling was mine.
Until you take ownership for the responsibility associated with your reality, you will stay stuck.
Or, you will just keep repeating the patterns and choices you have always made and you will get what you have always gotten.
Real responsibility is changing those choices, changing those thoughts, changing those beliefs and embracing more of who you are and what you want out of this precious one life you get to live.
I know, some of you may be upset that you own your reality, but you are entirely responsible for the good and bad of that reality.
You can change your beliefs, your thoughts, your attitudes, your decisions and choices – This is taking responsibility.
The good news is – You have the ability to change it, but will you?
That would be taking REAL responsibility.
Next Up – Trust Yourself
Tight Lines,
Tim
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